They Adopted a Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder — Then Built the Tools That Help Other Families Survive It
- Micaela Myers
- 6 hours ago
- 6 min read
Misty and Jeff were high school sweethearts. After marrying, they had one biological child and adopted a toddler from foster care before adopting a 6-year-old boy. He had been in a therapeutic foster home prior to arriving in their home, but they had little other information. They were ready to do the work — whatever was necessary to transition their new son into their home. They just didn't know yet what the work would cost them.
"When he came to us, he had a lot of behaviors, and we did lots of therapy and other things, trying to help," Misty recalls. "We went through the gamut on it all."
However, when puberty set in, his troubling behaviors drastically ramped up. He would rage for hours, attack his parents, lie, steal, threaten to harm the animals, make and hide weapons, threaten allegations and more.
It wasn't until he became a teenager that anyone mentioned reactive attachment disorder — a condition rooted in early childhood trauma that affects a child's ability to form healthy emotional bonds. It falls under the umbrella of developmental trauma disorder.
Around that same time, Misty and Jeff found RAD Advocates online — a nonprofit founded by parents that educates, supports, and advocates for families raising children with the disorder. They decided to attend NavRAD, the organization's biennial gathering that brings families together to connect and build a personal plan forward.
There, they began the long journey toward hope and healing.
"It started with just finding people who understood what we were living — that camaraderie and connection, plus the real help and real resources," Misty says.
With those resources, Misty and Jeff were able to create a plan that prioritized the entire family's safety and health.
"I think the key was just realizing that it wasn't okay for us and our other children to continue to not get our basic needs met," Misty explains. "We were just stuck in a loop of power struggles and control — all reacting off of each other. We were all miserable."
They signed up for RAD Advocates membership. Their son had been in an out-of-home placement that was no longer available, and they had to scramble to find a new place for him. As they faced threats from child protective services, their advocate, founder Amy VanTine, helped them navigate it all. For some families, out-of-home placement becomes a necessary step to ensure the safety of everyone in the home — and that was true for Misty and Jeff. Eventually, they secured a new out-of-home placement that could better meet their son's needs.
From Members to Volunteers
As they moved out of their crisis phase, both Misty and Jeff decided to give back to the organization that helped them through their toughest times.
With Jeff's strong business, financial and leadership background, RAD Advocates asked him to join the board.
"It's a good way for me to give back and help the organization from a top level down," he says. "For me, it's about service."
Misty's path to volunteering started with a folder. While navigating the chaos of their son's hardest years, she had built a detailed system — a way of documenting his behaviors, creating scaffolding, and organizing the therapeutic approaches their team was trying. Since it had always been intended as a tool for their own family, once they reached calmer ground, she saw little use for it. Like so many parents who have survived the worst of it, she was ready to look forward, not back.
But RAD Advocates founder Amy VanTine kept asking about it — genuinely curious about what Misty had built. "What are you going to do with it?" Amy pressed. She saw something Misty hadn't yet. What Misty didn't realize was that she had created something only a parent in the thick of it could — a survival tool that, through her own wherewithal and natural abilities, would become a lifeline for families she hadn't yet met. She laughs while recalling that she said, "I'm just gonna burn it."
VanTine connected her with RAD Advocates COO Heather Houze, and what Misty had created as a survival tool for her own family became something much bigger. Together, they turned the folder into RAD Advocates' signature Empowered Parenting course, an eight-week strategy course that provides real, applicable tools to help navigate parenting a child with reactive attachment disorder while maintaining balance in the home.
"I think the key was just realizing that it wasn't okay for us and our other children to continue to not get our basic needs met," Misty explains. "We were just stuck in a loop of power struggles and control — all reacting off of each other. We were all miserable."
"It's really a course for creating order to the disorder in your home," Misty explains.
What makes the course different is who it's designed for. The parents who come through it are already excellent, resourceful caregivers — Misty isn't teaching them things they don't know. What she's giving them is organization and a framework that brings everything together. The course creates what Misty describes as external parameters — structure and accountability around the child's behaviors that frees parents up to focus on the internal work of the family rather than simply reacting to the next crisis.
That structure also levels the playing field with professionals. One of the most validating discoveries for Misty has been that even psychologists, counselors and child welfare professionals who come through the course don't already have what it offers. "We don't have these pieces," they tell her. "We don't have it all put together in one place." For parents who have long felt dismissed or blamed, hearing that from a mental health professional can be its own kind of turning point.
For many parents, that shift goes deeper than organization. Misty has seen members report feeling more like themselves again — less consumed by the daily conflict and more present for the rest of their family.
With developmental trauma, children act differently at home. The course helps parents document what's happening and present it to professionals in a way they understand.
"The nature of this disorder is that the behaviors are behind closed doors," she says. "This leaves you defenseless to those outside of your home."
Misty describes the goal with a simple image: Think of teaching a toddler to catch a ball. If you can get them to make eye contact, hold their hands out, spread their feet — there's a good chance they'll catch it. The folder creates those external parameters, giving parents and their whole team a clearer view of where a child needs support, even when the child can't yet meet them halfway.
Systemic Changes
While Misty and Jeff are now part of the solution — helping families find hope and healing — they still see the enormous need for changes in our child welfare system.
Among the changes Jeff would like to see is for every child in foster care to receive an assessment for reactive attachment disorder and developmental trauma prior to adoption so that prospective parents better understand the needs of their child and what challenges they may face.
In addition, Misty hopes that one day adoptive families can seek help without being criminalized by the system.
"There needs to be a way to access help without putting the family in crisis — a way to wave a red flag without having to put yourself and your career in jeopardy," she comments.
A Brighter Future
Meeting other families still in crisis keeps them motivated.
"There's such a need," Jeff says. "The last NavRAD conference sold out. It was largely a whole new set of people. There's nobody else out there that can help like this organization."
Misty agrees: "RAD Advocates was absolutely crucial to our family finding safety."
They especially appreciate the organization's focus on the entire family rather than just the disordered child. Misty remembers a call with Amy that was meant to check in on how she and the family were doing. When Misty launched into the latest behaviors of her son, Amy gently redirected her. "That's not what I asked," she said. She wanted to know how Misty was doing.
"Before, the focus was always, 'Let us help you love him more; Let us help you parent him better,'" Misty says. "They just seemed to be blind to that desperation and the fact he needed a level of care that was beyond what we could provide."
Thankfully, RAD Advocates is expanding its offerings, including training more therapists.
"RAD Advocates is really on a growth path, and I think there's potential for the organization to have a lot of impact with legislation and education of the medical communities in addition to what they're already doing, working with families individually," Jeff says.
He's excited to see more families reaching out for help before they're in crisis.
"Everybody inside of this organization is really humble and just wants to help," Jeff says. "It's a really good place to be."
Misty shares: "For me, it's just really humbling to be able to work for RAD Advocates. It's very rewarding to be able to do this work and to offer something back."
Feeling lost on the RAD parenting journey?
 You’re not alone — and you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Connect with RAD Advocates to find real answers from those who’ve walked this path, no matter where you are along the journey.