How to Stay Safe at Home While Parenting a Child with Reactive Attachment Disorder
- Cami Lewis
- 2 days ago
- 6 min read
Updated: 11 hours ago
One of the first and most vital steps in parenting a child with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is recognizing the importance of creating a safe environment for everyone in the home — physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
Even if your child with reactive attachment disorder is not currently living in your home, safety planning still matters. Many families face temporary out-of-home placements, and preparing now can help ease transitions and reduce harm if your child returns unexpectedly or in crisis.
Why Parent Safety Must Come First
At RAD Advocates, we believe safety planning starts with the parents. That may seem counterintuitive to most parents, who instinctively put their children's needs above their own. But parenting a child with reactive attachment disorder requires a different lens — one that starts with preserving the parent’s well-being to ensure the safety of the entire family.
As a RAD therapist once told me, "RAD will turn an ambitious go-getter into a zombie." Trauma and reactive attachment disorder can wear down even the most resilient parents, leaving them with very little to give. That isn’t beneficial for anyone in the family.
Parents must feel safe themselves to ensure that everyone else in the family remains safe.
Ask yourself what you need to feel safe. Perhaps you need cameras to monitor what is happening in your home at all times. Perhaps you need reassurance while driving in a vehicle with your child. Finding ways to address your safety needs as a parent is paramount.
How to Support Other Children in the Home
Next, consider what your other securely attached children need to feel safe. Perhaps self-defense classes would help, or a doorknob with a keypad on their bedroom door. Ask the other children in your home, "What do you need to feel safe?" Meeting those needs is extremely important.
Empower other children in the home to have a voice. Teach them to speak up and share what’s happening. The term "glass child" refers to a sibling of a child with a disability or trauma disorder who feels invisible. Learn to understand this dynamic in “What PTSD Looks Like in Kids with Siblings with Reactive Attachment Disorder.”
In one family I know, a child secretly threatened a sibling for years before the parents found out. If your other children don’t feel safe, this becomes a domestic violence situation. For a deeper understanding of how reactive attachment disorder can manifest as domestic violence within the home, read “Domestic Violence: When the Victim is a Parent of Their Child with Reactive Attachment Disorder.”
Creating Structure for Your Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
Children with reactive attachment disorder struggle with felt safety as a nature of the disorder. Although they may try to resist or undo the structure you provide, they need that structure to develop a felt sense of safety. Consistent structure keeps everyone in the home feeling safer — including the child with reactive attachment disorder.
Parenting a child with reactive attachment disorder requires a different lens — one that starts with preserving the parent’s well-being to ensure the safety of the entire family.
As RAD Advocates CEO Heather Houze reminds us, we often feel safer when we have a plan. This applies not only to crisis response but also to everyday structure that supports safety and predictability.
Physical Safety Planning: Home, Car, and Public Spaces
Home Safety
Cameras: Be aware of your state’s laws regarding camera placement, as regulations vary. When used appropriately, cameras can help provide awareness and support a structured, safe environment — especially near bedroom doors or in common areas.
Door security: Doorknobs with a built-in keypad can help protect other children in the home. Use them for neurotypical family members’ rooms. Only you and the child should know the code, and the child should always be able to exit freely. If your child with RAD is prone to slamming doors, removing them altogether may reduce activation and risk. You will need to decide what is best for your individual family.
Alarms: Install alarms on windows and doors — not to lock anyone in, but to monitor movement and ensure safety. Consider installing window alarms on the outside to prevent tampering.
"Safe" person: Have a trusted person ready to intervene. This may mean knocking on a door to interrupt a crisis or calling the police. Use code words when needed.
Documentation: Maintain a journal, photos, or accountability log. File reports when appropriate. Encourage your child to document incidents to promote awareness and accountability.
Runaway Plan: If your child is prone to running away, have a plan to prevent it but also to prepare for their safety in case it happens outside of your control. Keep a runaway bag packed with items like a flashlight, water, snacks, clothes, and a blanket. Know your state’s laws and local law enforcement procedures.
Car Safety
Use assigned seating where the driver can monitor the child.
Consider a 5-point harness for younger children if appropriate.
Install in-car cameras.
Remove all loose items and shoes.
Pull over if needed and wait until everyone is calm.
Create a crisis plan for driving: pull over, call someone, or go to the nearest safe location.
Public Safety
Limit public outings if needed.
Choose low-stimulation, low-crowd environments with easy exits.
Bring a support person.
Have a plan for separating family members quickly if required.
Emotional and Psychological Safety: Meeting the Deeper Needs
According to Heather Houze, “Children with reactive attachment disorder push back hardest against the very stability they desperately need. It's not just about reducing chaos — it's about helping them feel anchored in a world that’s never felt safe.”
Although it may not always be obvious, emotional and psychological safety are just as vital as physical safety. Structure — even when met with resistance — is a key component of that safety.
Seek therapy for yourself or siblings from someone trained in reactive attachment disorder. Depending on the therapists available in your area, therapy may or may not be effective for your child with RAD. For context, read “Why Traditional Therapy Doesn't Usually Work (and Can Even Make Things Worse) for Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder.”
Find a respite care provider. Although a RAD-specific respite care provider is ideal, they are not always easy to find. In that case, think outside the box. Consider using Care.com or train a trusted adult (see our infographic "How to Give Respite Care for a Child with Reactive Attachment Disorder"). Children with RAD often act less dysregulated with outsiders because they aren’t activated by relational intimacy.
Schedule frequent structured activities. Children with RAD are often wired for chaos. Downtime can activate them, so plan ahead.
The Ongoing Pursuit of Safety — Even When It Requires Untraditional Parenting Choices
The most important part of parenting a child with reactive attachment disorder is making sure everyone in the home is safe — physically, emotionally, and psychologically. While safety looks different for every family, the goal remains the same: to provide enough structure, support, and responsiveness to protect everyone involved — even if that means making difficult or untraditional decisions.
No parent begins this journey expecting they’ll need to consider alternative living arrangements — even temporarily — for their child. But when the safety of family members is at risk, these decisions may become necessary.
While every child deserves a family, not every child can thrive in a traditional home environment — especially when developmental trauma is involved. As fellow adoptive mom Alaina Davis explains, the child may subconsciously feel threatened by a family and may go to great lengths to disrupt it. These children need environments and supports that meet them where they are, which may not always look like what we expect of traditional family life.
“Children with reactive attachment disorder push back hardest against the very stability they desperately need," says RAD Advocates COO Heather Houze. "It's not just about reducing chaos — it's about helping them feel anchored in a world that’s never felt safe.”
The path to safety may not look like what we first imagined. But you are not alone in navigating it. For help in preparing for a potential crisis, read “How to Prepare for a Reactive Attachment Disorder Crisis.” If you must take more serious measures to keep others safe, read “5 Painful Yet Often Critical Pathways for Parents of Children with RAD.”
To better understand why simply providing physical safety isn’t enough for children with reactive attachment disorder, read “Why a Safe Home Isn’t Enough for Kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder.” Remember, you are not alone. RAD Advocates is here to walk alongside you and help you create a safety plan for your entire family. We exist to meet you where you are along the RAD parenting journey, always keeping the whole family in mind.