From Doubt to Empathy: How Parents Helped Professionals Understand Reactive Attachment Disorder
- Nichole Noonan
- 18 hours ago
- 4 min read
Updated: 14 hours ago
For many parents raising a child with reactive attachment disorder (RAD), the hardest part isn’t just the day-to-day battles at home. It’s that even the professionals they turn to — educators, clinicians, and residential staff — often don’t fully understand what RAD really looks like in a family. Read "The Reactive Attachment Disorder Resource Desert: Why Parents Can't Find Good Help for Their Kids."
That disconnect was what struck Rachael and Monte Hawkins, who own and operate Life Quest Girls Academy, a boarding school for girls in Utah. Though they had worked with many students diagnosed with RAD, it wasn’t until they connected with RAD Advocates that they began to see the disorder from a parent’s perspective. We sat down with them on site at NavRAD24, the national event hosted by RAD Advocates, to hear how their perspective has shifted.
A Meeting That Changed the Lens on Reactive Attachment Disorder
The Hawkinses first crossed paths with RAD Advocates when a parent enrolled her daughter at their school. The student functioned well in the program — following rules, holding a job, and staying motivated. But at home, the mother described explosive behaviors and safety concerns. Read "What Reactive Attachment Disorder Really Looks Like Inside of the Home."
This contrast is common for children with RAD. In a structured, transactional environment, they may appear to thrive. But when attachment demands surface at home, the same child may become volatile, unsafe, or manipulative. For parents, it can feel like no one believes them because professionals only see the “public” version of their child. Read "Why Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder Feel Safer at Institutions Than at Home."
Those differences surfaced in meetings that included the parent, her daughter, and Amy VanTine, who was serving as the family’s advocate.
“I used to dread those meetings,” Rachael said. “I thought the mom was crazy. I didn’t understand what was happening at home. It wasn’t until Amy stepped in and started helping me and our staff that I realized I was the one who had it wrong. That was a huge realization to come to.”
Later, Rachael even called the parent to apologize: “Without RAD Advocates, I never would have come to that place of understanding.”
Seeing Families in a New Light
Through training and then attending NavRAD24, the national event hosted by RAD Advocates, Rachael and Monte say their perspective widened even more.
“What’s been most eye-opening,” Rachael explained, “is seeing the other side — the families. We work with the kids all day long, but here we’ve seen the heartbreak parents live with behind closed doors: the guilt, the shame, and above all, the need to keep their other children safe. It’s changed everything for us.”
Monte grew emotional as he reflected on what he’d learned:
“Our hearts go out to the parents. What they’re dealing with is hard. We’re in a position to help with respite or mid- to long-term care, but it’s not a quick fix. If we can provide even one safe option, then we’re doing our job.”
Why Professional Understanding of Reactive Attachment Disorder Matters
What the Hawkinses experienced highlights a broader truth: many professionals still lack awareness about RAD.
“I assumed therapists and educators really grasped RAD,” Monte said. “But that’s not what we’ve learned here. Even schools don’t fully understand the level of help families need. They see students until 2:30, then send them home — but that’s when the hardest part of the day begins for parents.”
Amy VanTine, executive director of RAD Advocates, explained why this gap is so common.
“Many professionals inadvertently make matters worse,” she said. “It’s not because they’re uncaring or unkind. They’re often focused only on the child, without realizing the larger picture of the whole family unit. What struck me about Rachael and Monte is that they were willing to acknowledge what they didn’t understand, and Rachael even apologized to a parent once they realized it. That humility is powerful — and validating for the families we serve.”
This misunderstanding is more than frustrating for families — it can be dangerous. Parents often report being disbelieved or even blamed by professionals who only see their child in controlled settings. Without proper training, schools and service providers may minimize risks, dismiss safety concerns, or suggest strategies that worsen the situation.
For families, this gap in understanding can mean years of ineffective support and isolation. For professionals, it’s a call to dig deeper, listen more closely to parents, and recognize that RAD doesn’t follow the rules of typical parenting, education, or therapy.
A Shared Path Forward
The Hawkinses’ story is just one example of how education, training, and listening to families can shift a professional’s perspective. By seeing what parents face — the exhaustion, the safety concerns, the grief, and the resilience — professionals can begin to partner with them more effectively. Read "Advocacy actions: How Parents and Professionals are Changing Reactive Attachment Disorder Treatment."
And that, ultimately, is what families of children with RAD need most: professionals who not only understand the disorder but also empathize with the parents living it every day.
Working with or parenting children with reactive attachment disorder? You don't have to do it alone.
If you're a parent in need of support and advocacy, learn more about our memberships here. Or are you a professional working with families of kids with RAD? Email RAD Advocates at info@radadvocates.org to learn more about professional development opportunities.