Handling Summer with Reactive Attachment Disorder: 7 Expert Tips from a Journeyed Parent
- Amy J. Brown
- 1 day ago
- 6 min read
Summer break can be one of the hardest times of year for families parenting a child with reactive attachment disorder, also known as developmental trauma disorder. And while this blog post by Amy J. Brown first appeared in 2021, her honesty and insight still resonate deeply.
"This time of year, many parents feel pressure to create magical memories, but families navigating reactive attachment disorder are often just trying to survive the day," said RAD Advocates Chief Operating Officer Heather Houze. "It’s okay to acknowledge that your summer looks different. You’re not failing — you’re parenting a child with complex needs, and that takes a different approach."
Nothing Fills Me With Dread and Fear More Than Summer Break
When I hear other moms looking forward to the lazy days of summer, fun activities, family vacations and sleeping in, I am jealous and filled with anxiety. As a mom of a child with reactive attachment disorder, I know our summer break will look very different from others.
Every year, the idea of no school for three months is overwhelming. School provides necessary structure for my child with reactive attachment disorder. For me, school is an opportunity for much-needed respite.
As summer approaches, I get stressed. I start making chore charts, behavior expectations and rules. Then I eat some candy. None of this does anything to calm my nerves. I remind myself to take a deep breath, get quiet and not approach summer from a place of fear.
This summer, I’m going to try to take a summer break of my own and attend the Navigating RAD event.
Whether I make it to the event or not this summer, I’ll still need strategies to get through the next couple of months. You’ll need some too.
Here are 7 Tips to Survive Summer While Parenting a Child with Reactive Attachment Disorder:
Prioritize Your Own Well-Being While Parenting a Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
I know we hear this all the time, but we seldom do it. So do it now. Take a deep breath and think about what you need to put in place to allow space to breathe. Not for your child, but for you.
Your well-being matters (read Reactive Attachment Disorder: What It Does to a Parent's Mind, Body and Soul). These next few months may be challenging. You need to fill your cup with the practices that help you stay calm and at peace. Make a list and pick the top three priorities.
My top self-care tasks are to find a quiet space for morning prayer, exercise and order. I know I will be a hot mess on day three if I do not have these anchors in my day.
So ask yourself what you need. What can you fit into life right now? Make a plan to adapt to your situation in the moment.
Lower Expectations to Manage Summer With Developmental Trauma in the Home
As you look at the summer months at home with our kids with reactive attachment disorder, lower your expectations. "In our advocacy work, we often hear from families who feel defeated before summer even begins," said Houze. "What helps is redefining success. Success might mean keeping the peace for one afternoon or finding five minutes to yourself. It’s not about doing more — it’s about doing what’s needed for your specific child and your family’s safety."
Most kids with special needs have accommodations via their individual education plans (IEP) at school. So write an IEP for your home. What needs to adapt to help your child be successful? What needs to adapt to help you and the other children be successful?
My child will need a lot of structure. I will need to monitor him. He needs supervision anytime he uses the computer. How will I manage to do this and get my own work done? I need to lower my expectations on what might get done.
I also need to reassess what my expectations are for meals, housework and life. Do the best you can and do not worry about the rest.
Avoid the Comparison Trap While Parenting Through Reactive Attachment Disorder
It can be disheartening to get on Instagram. I can become discouraged by photos of families finger-painting, making homemade marshmallows or on a worry-free vacation. I want normal — not challenging behaviors — but comparing my life to others never helps. So stay in your lane and do what you need to do to make this summer work for you and your family.
Create Quiet Time for Children With and Without Developmental Trauma — and Yourself
I was a homeschool mom for 19 years and my kids had a scheduled quiet time. It was a reset for each of us. Kids with reactive attachment disorder do not always cooperate with this. Think of how you can make this happen. Maybe a movie? Video games you may not typically let them play? Find some way to get some afternoon quiet time so both you and the kids can get a break.
Movement Helps Kids With Reactive Attachment Disorder (And You Too)
Get outside with your kids. Most kids with reactive attachment disorder do better if they move. Find ways to be active. I used to take our child to the high school track. I would walk around the track and she would run. If she was being oppositional, she could throw a raging fit and I would still keep walking (with earbuds in). One upside of no one being in school is that no one will be there to judge your child’s behavior (and you know there's plenty of judgement to go around)!
Have a Backup Plan for the Tough Days Parenting a Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
There will be days that are long and hard. I have been a reactive attachment disorder parent for a long time so I know my child will be oppositional most days. It is hard on him and on me. I need to show him mercy and compassion. I know I will not do this perfectly.
So what is my plan when things are really hard? I reach out to a friend on the phone or meet to have margaritas and chips and salsa.
Have a plan in place for those most stressful days. You can go for a walk when your husband gets home, watch something that makes you laugh. Complete the stress cycle. In the excellent book Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, the authors suggest that physical activity completes the stress cycle.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help With a Child Who Has Developmental Trauma
This is hard. But remember, kids with reactive attachment disorder usually behave better for others than with you due to the nurturing enemy dynamic you have with them (read more about that here). You do not know unless you try. Make a list of what you need and of whom you can ask to help you. Then ask for the help you need.
We have had our kids in all kinds of day camps — the YMCA, local day camps and summer school programs. There were times when I would be so stressed that they would act out that I would not want to take them. They did have those days, but they also had days when they did just fine.
Give Yourself Grace While Navigating Reactive Attachment Disorder This Summer
And at the end of each day — because you’ll need to take it a day at a time — look and see what worked and what didn’t, and give yourself grace. Adjust as you go, and remember that this isn’t forever.
Amy J. Brown wrote this post in the summer of 2021, just before our first-ever Navigating RAD event. Since then, hundreds of families have gathered in safe space to build individualized plans and find support they couldn’t find elsewhere. The next NavRAD is coming April 24–26, 2026, in North Kansas City, Mo. Please plan now to join us!
We’re grateful to Amy — a writer, mom and longtime RAD Advocates friend — for sharing her journey with such honesty. You can follow her at @AmyJBrownAuthor.
We also want to hear from you: What are your summer survival tips? Comment below or join the conversation on Instagram and Facebook. Your hard-earned insights might help another caregiver get through the day.
About the author:
Amy J. Brown is a wife, mom, writer and mentor. She mentors moms and believes that when we honestly share our stories we learn from each other, gather strength, and come away encouraged. But most importantly, we feel less alone. You can connect with Amy and read more of her writing at https://www.amyjbrown.com/.