7 Years of RAD Parenting — And What Finally Helped: A RAD Advocates Member Story
- Nichole Noonan
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
For seven and a half years, Rich and his wife have been parenting a child with reactive attachment disorder. For most of those years, they felt completely alone.
"You feel very crazy at times," Rich says. "You are the only ones that have seen this behavior."
That's the thing about RAD that parents rarely warn you about — it's not just the exhaustion of the behaviors themselves. It's the isolation of watching your child become someone completely different the moment the front door opens. It's spending therapy sessions explaining what RAD even is, only to be told that your son's meltdown over a cereal box sounds like "typical child behavior."
It's feeling like nobody sees you. Nobody hears you. And nobody believes you.
The Dream That Didn't Go As Planned
Rich and his wife had what he calls "the romantic vision." They had two biological children they loved deeply, resources to give, and plenty of love to share. International adoption seemed like the natural next step — a chance to build a family of five.
Their son came home at 13 months old. They thought adopting so young would mean a smoother transition. It didn't.
"The behavior started from the moment he came home," Rich recalls. "He was never wanting to be held. As soon as he would finish his bottle, he'd arch his back, get off you, put his elbow in — just didn't want to be touched or held."
They didn't think much of it at first. But over the years, things escalated. Manipulation. Triangulation. Defiance. A complete absence of cause and effect — consequences that simply didn't register, behaviors that repeated endlessly no matter what they tried.
"It's very much like banging your head against the wall," he says.
And in the background, quietly absorbing everything: their two biological children, whose childhoods were being reshaped by the chaos around them.
Hitting the Wall
Rich's wife reached her breaking point roughly two years ago. Rich describes watching her unravel while he was about eighteen months behind her on the same path — close enough to see where he was headed, not quite there yet.
They had tried everything. TBRI therapy. Individual therapy. Family therapy. A parade of professionals who claimed to understand but couldn't quite get there.
"You find yourself spending half of the session explaining what RAD is," Rich says, "and then explaining why the things you're telling people are so impactful."
The family was starting to fracture. Something had to change.
The Moment Everything Shifted
Rich's wife found RAD Advocates online. They followed along on social media, then reached out, then signed up for a high-level membership at the start of the year. That's when they began weekly calls with Amy VanTine, RAD Advocates CEO, founder and advocate.
The first conversation was unlike anything they'd experienced before.
"We'd start telling a story and she'd finish it for us," Rich says. "She would literally finish our sentences. She would tell us things he was doing before we'd even told her — finite things, like, 'Oh, does he stare at you all the time?' And, 'Does he do this?' — and this is why he's doing that."
They had tried everything. TBRI therapy. Individual therapy. Family therapy. A parade of professionals who claimed to understand but couldn't quite get there.
After years of being the ones who had to explain everything, someone finally already knew.
"In the past, we would spend most of our time telling the stories. Amy told the stories for us. She knew all about them already. It was incredible."
A Plan, Not Just a Shoulder, Through RAD Advocates
What Rich valued most wasn't just being heard — it was being given a roadmap.
He describes himself as someone who needs to understand every option before making a major decision. Amy met him exactly where he was. She walked them through what their future could look like, helped them build a family safety plan, and laid out every option without steering them toward any particular one.
She also understood that Rich and his wife were in different places emotionally — and she held space for both of them.
"She heard my wife, she felt my wife, she understood why I was in a different position — why I'm eighteen months delayed from where she is. She could empathize with both of us and just lay it all out."
The calls became something they genuinely looked forward to. An hour that went by too fast. A space where they could finally exhale.
You Feel Less Crazy When You're Not Alone
Rich attended NavRAD in 2024, and something shifted there too.
Sitting in a room full of people with the same stories — the same behaviors from their children, the same disbelief from others, the same quiet desperation — did something that no individual therapy session ever had.
"You feel a whole lot less crazy when you meet rooms full of people who have the same story as you," he says.
One NavRAD speaker described her experience so precisely that Rich says he could have closed his eyes and thought it was his wife speaking.
"It makes you feel validated. You feel very crazy at times with this thing — is this real? It's very much real."
What He'd Tell Another Parent About RAD Advocates
Rich doesn't mince words when asked whether membership has been worth it.
"It's some of the best money we've ever spent. We've spent a lot of money on ineffective therapies. This was so targeted and so focused."
And for parents on the fence about attending NavRAD: "You need to get as much resources and information as you can. Having these professionals in front of you, being able to ask questions, hearing people's stories that make you feel validated — it's been invaluable."
Sitting in a room full of people with the same stories — the same behaviors from their children, the same disbelief from others, the same quiet desperation — did something that no individual therapy session ever had.
He pauses, then adds something that captures exactly what drives a parent like him.
"It'll give me personal comfort that I can look myself in the mirror in five years and say — I did everything I could. I used every resource I could. I made the decision I did, and I'm comfortable with it."
That's all any RAD parent is really asking for. Not a miracle. Just the chance to feel like they're not in it alone — and the tools to keep moving forward.
Rich and his wife are members of RAD Advocates' membership program. If you're navigating a similar journey, we'd love to connect with you.
Feeling lost on the RAD parenting journey?
You’re not alone — and you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Connect with RAD Advocates to find real answers from those who’ve walked this path, no matter where you are along the journey.
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